I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
