i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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