see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cut my penus on the lid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
