I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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