that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
