I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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