Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As shirtless as possible
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
