and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
