I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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