I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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