Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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