i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
