you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
