cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
