Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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