is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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