I am in a vortex of obligation.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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