got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How's work?
Spinning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
