so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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