i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
