I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
