In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
