This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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