Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
