everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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