im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
