If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I checked into jail on foursquare
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
