Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
