you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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