i just wanna soil my oats bro
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
