also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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