I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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