My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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