I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
