How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
