I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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