just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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