Plan B is the new Plan A
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
