atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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