dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
