i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
