You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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