i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
