I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
