I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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