That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
