And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
