Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
