She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
