Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
