you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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