It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sarcasm needs its own font
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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