I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize