you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
