Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
