my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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