When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
