are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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