So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize