this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
