I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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