3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
