No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
