If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
