she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
