On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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