he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
