i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
