You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
