I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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