So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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