Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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