A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
