Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
