Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
