my phone needs a breathalizer
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
