Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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