Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
