I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
