things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
