either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
